change is good. really good.

I can't believe how much I've changed way back when I was in First Year. As in I had a fight with lots of people! Grabe! To the extent that my blog [now shut down] was invaded by a hell lot of unidentified people and the one person who I might never forgive for the rest of my life [unless the person says "sorry" perhaps, that person never even did.] almost ruined me at that particular moment in time.

Just removing my emo-ness lately. Hey it did help :) I won't post the link here, but when I read the entry "Counter HATE Post. Wow." it was just now that I felt its intensity, the anger towards me that I didn't dare want to receive from a person just because of defense for another person. Wow. I was an immature freak then - insensitive to what people think.

I saw what a person wrote in my Cbox before [the name is somebody else, just see it] and he/she [unidentified gender] wrote: you're afraid that people look through you rather than you look through them....so what if you're evil and things like that? you never know who you are now...

Looking back on that, I can say yes to all he/she is saying. Maybe I was evil. Yes, I've changed, and I'm glad I did. But as ironic and sarcastic as this sounds, the entries I read from previous blogs of my friends sort of triggered and stopped my depression. It's a psychological thing lol. I'm so vague!

Anyways, from yesterday and today I've had quite a good time. Quite. I did have to cry over him and well, I just needed to so that I would forget in some point the pain I have been given for over 3 years now, and so I could let it all out. But in turn I did talk to a lot of people who I rarely talk to - they really enlightened my day at the least. One of them even gave me advice and stuff. Really nice of 'em :)

Today is so BORING. Kudos though, I can say that our batch play was 100% awesome to the max. It overpowered the Seniors more than 10x in my opinion. As in.

And today is kind of insane. I'm done with the Ateneo ArtsWork application forms, just waiting for my 2x2 pics. Ahhh! I submitted over 9 artworks which my mom helped me choose [mothers know best! :)] hopefully the deliberators would be convinced! I also placed some of my literary works there, like the tribute-to-Seniors-poem, which my mom probably bragged to her friends [I did NOT tell her to do that. lol.] and they thought it was nice. Hmm...so-so :) Whatevs. I'm crossing my fingers! I really want to go!!!

Wish me luck for the rest of the weeks. I am so looking forward to SUMMER. Wow. So long pa.
Okay, in short I'm looking forward to the first week of March so I could know the results.

I'm off :) Hopefully I'll remain in a goody-good mood for the forthcoming weeks. Great. I could stand still and look pretty and out of the blue I am motionless and expressionless. Great.

I wish it won't be that kind of fake-happy. I can never fake my emotions.
But I think I can hide, right? :)

===================================================
Do you see what you've done?
Can you even feel the pain I feel?
I trap myself, I deprive myself
Of my own happiness all because of you
I lock my doors, yet I open my windows
Searching for long lost answers
Remembering the kept secrets
Yearning for a better path I am to take
Wanting tomorrow to be a brighter day
For you & me, both.
Whatever would happen I would accept
Despite rejection, despite agony
At least I have been given a response
A reply to the queries I have had for so long
Help me seek the truth
Buried beneath the dwelling lies
Help me learn to let go
The pain I've been keeping for so long
For if my yesterday haunts me until eternity
I doubt I could survive more years of my entity.


Wow. On the spot poem! x) Told you I was in the mood - it shows :)