So much for the hyperness. I just viewed BD's playlist and saw Dark Blue by Jack's Mannequin there. Haha. I really loved that song before I even saw the playlist and I really knew it somehow fit Twilight. Well, it does now. I think that was the time they were in Isle Esme, and, well...let me not spoil. :)
I am very, very busy. Ironic for it to fit my schedule, I'm in p.200+ already. And I tell you, the way I see pregnancy will never, ever be the same again. Gah! It's creeping my nerves.
Yesterday PTs finally ended. But I don't think the dark lines under my eyes would fade off at all. I can't help being an early bird. I woke up at 6:30 today! Well, gave me more time to read BD for 3 hours straight.
Anyhow last night I spent it shopping. Yes. I have not done that ever since school began and I bought a nice shirt! [really hyper] It's not a typical one I get out of a store kasi. And mom & I ate dinner at a local Italian resto. My god. It was so good. Hah. So much for dieting. It broke off yesterday but I'll resume on Tues. x) The summer squah soup w/ pancetta. My gosh! [It really pays to watch Food Network. Trust me. :)] Anyways, very exhausted. And now I'm doing my lil bro's invite, PLUS, batch party invite. I hope I'll be done early! I'll be needing some alone time. Like enjoy my own company for once.
Oh speaking of company I had a terrible experience last Friday. I think I was literally struck with the person I was talking to when I was going up the stairs. He's someone I rarely talk to kasi, eh. Kaya ayan. I almost entered a different classroom. VERY embarassing. VERY.
Okay, back to [possibly] work. I'm looking at some new photos from Twilight. They're amazing! And better! And Robert Pattinson :O :O I didn't like Kristen Stewart in a dress though. Haha.
And some thoughts on BD:
Rosalie is such a user. I kept on laughing in book two. Jacob calls her Blondie, Sleepless Beauty. And the joke: How do you make a blondie drown? Glue a mirror to the bottom of the pool. Nice. x)
Only a few romantic parts. It focuesed on the "monster" eh. :(
***
Life still not working for me.
And no one barely knows how I feel. urgh.
8.17.2008
8.14.2008
deceiving looks
new layout.
I needed it to be more clean cut. I don't want navigations so I opted for this one.
x under construction x still, just as my life is as well.
Geometry.
I needed it to be more clean cut. I don't want navigations so I opted for this one.
x under construction x still, just as my life is as well.
Geometry.
8.13.2008
commitment
* * *
It's so ironic - just as I clicked New Post, rain started falling like the worst storm ever. More than that, I guess my life has already become a destructive typhoon - it's just not paving its way through the worse part of it - yet.
I haven't been updating my blog much, because I am stressed, I am frustrated, I am depressed, I am feeling every kind of sadness felt by probably every single teen - the sadness of losing people I love, the sadness of being weak and unable to show myself, the sadness of getting low grades, the sadness of not being with everyone I love, and the sadness of being idle in my own entity.
What's worse, I'm blending in with the heavy raindrops that fall right now - I feel so alone despite my friends say, "everyone is feeling the same way as you". No I don't think so at all. It's like everything has been snatched away from me - my ART, my FREEDOM, my STRENGTH.
I need massive advice to the overly depressed teen I know. Har har.
I'm not sarcastic, but after a long wait I finally read BD, just the 1st 4 chapters. And it was pretty awkward at first. The storyline is so-so, reviews say BD was a wreck for a last book of the authentic Twilight saga. IDK. I'd go critic myself once I'm done reading it. Bella's so lucky for Edward - I'm so jealous! [not because Edward's perfect] but because she's found someone who completely loves her no one can ever measure. *sigh* So much for being a hopeless romantic...I'm stuck with the notion of the "locked" drawers in my room, full of stained memories I would always want to shut off. In fact because I'm too busy I have no time pondering about those bad times, and seeing those faces. They've all vanished in my mind.
Except the day I thought everything was beginning, and not realizing he was already gone.
* * *
It's so ironic - just as I clicked New Post, rain started falling like the worst storm ever. More than that, I guess my life has already become a destructive typhoon - it's just not paving its way through the worse part of it - yet.
I haven't been updating my blog much, because I am stressed, I am frustrated, I am depressed, I am feeling every kind of sadness felt by probably every single teen - the sadness of losing people I love, the sadness of being weak and unable to show myself, the sadness of getting low grades, the sadness of not being with everyone I love, and the sadness of being idle in my own entity.
What's worse, I'm blending in with the heavy raindrops that fall right now - I feel so alone despite my friends say, "everyone is feeling the same way as you". No I don't think so at all. It's like everything has been snatched away from me - my ART, my FREEDOM, my STRENGTH.
I need massive advice to the overly depressed teen I know. Har har.
I'm not sarcastic, but after a long wait I finally read BD, just the 1st 4 chapters. And it was pretty awkward at first. The storyline is so-so, reviews say BD was a wreck for a last book of the authentic Twilight saga. IDK. I'd go critic myself once I'm done reading it. Bella's so lucky for Edward - I'm so jealous! [not because Edward's perfect] but because she's found someone who completely loves her no one can ever measure. *sigh* So much for being a hopeless romantic...I'm stuck with the notion of the "locked" drawers in my room, full of stained memories I would always want to shut off. In fact because I'm too busy I have no time pondering about those bad times, and seeing those faces. They've all vanished in my mind.
Except the day I thought everything was beginning, and not realizing he was already gone.
8.07.2008
And you gave me the best mixtape i had
Even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you.
It's ironic that I tend to lock myself away from all the nonsense I've been through for years now. Then again, they try to bring back the essence and the reason behind all these things. Even the simplest moments that I've kept in here expresses the most pain in such a way I cannot explain.
Wow. Talk about emo. I'm way over that.
PTs are on now, and we're stressing over the by far complicated lessons. I'm most scared of Trigo and Hua Won :O Good thing that frkin 80 of a score in Huawon is really 88. My friends say it's impossible I get an 80. I studied. Just...not that hard. Haha.
Anyways, I gotta cut short. STudy time. And I have to help my mom organize my little brother's party. Talk about Pokemon T____T Gotta catch 'em all! xD
♥ • ♥
Even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you.
It's ironic that I tend to lock myself away from all the nonsense I've been through for years now. Then again, they try to bring back the essence and the reason behind all these things. Even the simplest moments that I've kept in here expresses the most pain in such a way I cannot explain.
Wow. Talk about emo. I'm way over that.
PTs are on now, and we're stressing over the by far complicated lessons. I'm most scared of Trigo and Hua Won :O Good thing that frkin 80 of a score in Huawon is really 88. My friends say it's impossible I get an 80. I studied. Just...not that hard. Haha.
Anyways, I gotta cut short. STudy time. And I have to help my mom organize my little brother's party. Talk about Pokemon T____T Gotta catch 'em all! xD
♥ • ♥
8.04.2008
Too early to say goodbye. /Stolen by DC/
I received my copy of BD awhile ago and I am tempted to read it! I want to know what happens in the end - will Bella become a vampire? Will Edward kill her [wow so morbid]? What will happen to Jacob? Btw I even have free stickers of Twilight x) There'seven one that says, "My heart belongs to Edward Cullen" WTH? I don't like him eh! Haha! Of course I like him for Bella. If only there was a real Edward Cullen -except he is NOT a vampire. I'd be dead if it was xD
Is it just me or I feel ultimately overjoyed today. Maybe it's because it's someone's birthday? One of my closest friends before turned someone I fell for? : I spent last night feeling guilty if I didn't give at least a remnant of mine for his special day, after all, he even made MY day special last January, why not make his become one-of-akind? I bet he didn't expect it :) Hello noh I spent 2 hours making a personalized frame with our picture [fieldtrip] on it. Haha! Then I just wrapped it with some Japanese paper and added a pack of Oreo™ Cakesters :) It's yummy eh! Hahaha. I even rushed all the way up to the 6th floor right away I asked someone to give it for me x) Talk about embarassing - I'm always like that. Last March I was also like that, but it was a rather different story. I had to shed tears while writing a letter to this really old friend. That was even worser. And I had to give it - personally! Ugh. And the bkmark...oh it's all coming back O_O That's even where I got the name for this blog : Whatever. Let's skip the parts censored. haha x)
And I'm nervous tomorrow for Speech! But I did my best, let's see if my leadership will pay off - I have never became a leader for like a project this...challenging so, let's just see.
I don't know what is with my hyperness. It's so weird!
Maybe because he said, thank you? Or maybe because I spent the whole hour before dismissal putting make up on people and they liked it x) I admit I suck at doing cosmetics. Or maybe it's just because I hate making myself look beautiful - told you, I'm so low self-esteem-like. Tsk.
It's Kristin's birthday tomorrow! That's also one of the reasons I'm excited. We're buying a cake for her and some delicacies :) She has no idea! x) x) Because her mom won't be in the country tomorrow, so we thought we wanted to celebrate, at least to make her feel happy. And I know how much she loves to eat Chocolate Mousse :) Yummy ^___^
xoxo. Till nextime!
♥
I'm so hyper! Seriously! Wee! x) I feel so unexplainably light inside :) Never felt this for so long :]
I received my copy of BD awhile ago and I am tempted to read it! I want to know what happens in the end - will Bella become a vampire? Will Edward kill her [wow so morbid]? What will happen to Jacob? Btw I even have free stickers of Twilight x) There'seven one that says, "My heart belongs to Edward Cullen" WTH? I don't like him eh! Haha! Of course I like him for Bella. If only there was a real Edward Cullen -except he is NOT a vampire. I'd be dead if it was xD
Is it just me or I feel ultimately overjoyed today. Maybe it's because it's someone's birthday? One of my closest friends before turned someone I fell for? : I spent last night feeling guilty if I didn't give at least a remnant of mine for his special day, after all, he even made MY day special last January, why not make his become one-of-akind? I bet he didn't expect it :) Hello noh I spent 2 hours making a personalized frame with our picture [fieldtrip] on it. Haha! Then I just wrapped it with some Japanese paper and added a pack of Oreo™ Cakesters :) It's yummy eh! Hahaha. I even rushed all the way up to the 6th floor right away I asked someone to give it for me x) Talk about embarassing - I'm always like that. Last March I was also like that, but it was a rather different story. I had to shed tears while writing a letter to this really old friend. That was even worser. And I had to give it - personally! Ugh. And the bkmark...oh it's all coming back O_O That's even where I got the name for this blog : Whatever. Let's skip the parts censored. haha x)
And I'm nervous tomorrow for Speech! But I did my best, let's see if my leadership will pay off - I have never became a leader for like a project this...challenging so, let's just see.
I don't know what is with my hyperness. It's so weird!
Maybe because he said, thank you? Or maybe because I spent the whole hour before dismissal putting make up on people and they liked it x) I admit I suck at doing cosmetics. Or maybe it's just because I hate making myself look beautiful - told you, I'm so low self-esteem-like. Tsk.
It's Kristin's birthday tomorrow! That's also one of the reasons I'm excited. We're buying a cake for her and some delicacies :) She has no idea! x) x) Because her mom won't be in the country tomorrow, so we thought we wanted to celebrate, at least to make her feel happy. And I know how much she loves to eat Chocolate Mousse :) Yummy ^___^
xoxo. Till nextime!
♥
I'm so hyper! Seriously! Wee! x) I feel so unexplainably light inside :) Never felt this for so long :]
8.03.2008
• emptiness •
It's getting worse.
The more I keep the pain away, the more it gets to me. Especially when I'm alone. There's no reason for this feeling - it was over, anyway. But it keeps coming back! The wounds never heal, yet they never fade away. Every minute my life becomes destroyed with these thoughts. I don't think it's all so picture perfect now - my life is going at its lowest point right now.
Well, enough with the emo entries, I'm getting sick of seeing myself look so miserable in my own eyes. I don't even know why I have this low self-esteem thing clashing over my whole persona like crazy. I've never had the courage to show my real self. Maybe that's why I keep doing what I do and I just show everything through my artworks. What's worse now is, I don't even have enough time for that and somebody in our class wrote that I was bragging too much because of my art - I don't know people, you judge - I don't brag, people look at it, what can I do? Sometimes I already get embarassed showing people my works because I am not that good at all. My practice and training as an artist isn't done - I just like doing it, it depends on what people think about it anyway. And by far, my studies have gotten to its lowest point. I don't even mind anymore. Anything goes - if I get 80, I get 80. I wouldn't care. That's just how I am.
I can't fight this feeling of emptiness.
♥ • ♥
More on the bright side, I'm psyched to see my copy of Breaking Dawn tomorrow :) And I will read it on the 16th-18th [no classes] thank goodness :) Tomorrow's the bday of one of my close friends before : *ahem* And on Tuesday, it's Kristin's birthday! Woohoo we hope she will be happy w/ our "surprise". Hahaha. :)
The more I keep the pain away, the more it gets to me. Especially when I'm alone. There's no reason for this feeling - it was over, anyway. But it keeps coming back! The wounds never heal, yet they never fade away. Every minute my life becomes destroyed with these thoughts. I don't think it's all so picture perfect now - my life is going at its lowest point right now.
Well, enough with the emo entries, I'm getting sick of seeing myself look so miserable in my own eyes. I don't even know why I have this low self-esteem thing clashing over my whole persona like crazy. I've never had the courage to show my real self. Maybe that's why I keep doing what I do and I just show everything through my artworks. What's worse now is, I don't even have enough time for that and somebody in our class wrote that I was bragging too much because of my art - I don't know people, you judge - I don't brag, people look at it, what can I do? Sometimes I already get embarassed showing people my works because I am not that good at all. My practice and training as an artist isn't done - I just like doing it, it depends on what people think about it anyway. And by far, my studies have gotten to its lowest point. I don't even mind anymore. Anything goes - if I get 80, I get 80. I wouldn't care. That's just how I am.
I can't fight this feeling of emptiness.
♥ • ♥
More on the bright side, I'm psyched to see my copy of Breaking Dawn tomorrow :) And I will read it on the 16th-18th [no classes] thank goodness :) Tomorrow's the bday of one of my close friends before : *ahem* And on Tuesday, it's Kristin's birthday! Woohoo we hope she will be happy w/ our "surprise". Hahaha. :)
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