• emptiness •

It's getting worse.

The more I keep the pain away, the more it gets to me. Especially when I'm alone. There's no reason for this feeling - it was over, anyway. But it keeps coming back! The wounds never heal, yet they never fade away. Every minute my life becomes destroyed with these thoughts. I don't think it's all so picture perfect now - my life is going at its lowest point right now.

Well, enough with the emo entries, I'm getting sick of seeing myself look so miserable in my own eyes. I don't even know why I have this low self-esteem thing clashing over my whole persona like crazy. I've never had the courage to show my real self. Maybe that's why I keep doing what I do and I just show everything through my artworks. What's worse now is, I don't even have enough time for that and somebody in our class wrote that I was bragging too much because of my art - I don't know people, you judge - I don't brag, people look at it, what can I do? Sometimes I already get embarassed showing people my works because I am not that good at all. My practice and training as an artist isn't done - I just like doing it, it depends on what people think about it anyway. And by far, my studies have gotten to its lowest point. I don't even mind anymore. Anything goes - if I get 80, I get 80. I wouldn't care. That's just how I am.

I can't fight this feeling of emptiness.

♥ • ♥

More on the bright side, I'm psyched to see my copy of Breaking Dawn tomorrow :) And I will read it on the 16th-18th [no classes] thank goodness :) Tomorrow's the bday of one of my close friends before : *ahem* And on Tuesday, it's Kristin's birthday! Woohoo we hope she will be happy w/ our "surprise". Hahaha. :)