newfound sadness

I didn't have time the other day to post my Chapter 0, but I was really planning to post it any way :)

And some of the parts are actually nonfiction - I based it on my awful/painful/hurtful experiences.

Beware: 7 pages! :p

Second Chances

It was the first day of school. She hurried to the door as the bell rang. “Whew! Just in time!” she thought. He walked across the hall, staring at her. He wondered who she was. And then, fate. They were seated together in the classroom. “Hello.” He whispered. She was enthralled by his presence, for his voice was pleasing to hear. She replied with a grin, “Hi, nice meeting you.” Her face was angelic, as she gazed upon the boy beside her. Pinkish glows were seen across her cheeks, accompanying a pretty yet naïve smile. Classes went on, and it was lunch time. A crowd covered the lunch hall, and as she walked her way through a sea of people, she collided with the boy she sat with in class. “W…W…Want to have l…l…lunch?” she inquired. “Sure.” He said. The minutes were ticking by, and they conversed like they had met long before this day came. They started to know a thing or two about each other. He was an athlete, she was a simple girl. He loved Science, she loved music and art. There were differences, yet they were connected through one thing – writing. It was something they both loved doing. He asked if he could chat with her that night, to ask homework and to get to know more about each other. She agreed. It was the end of the first day of school. Yet it was the beginning of a profound friendship.
The sky transformed into the dark blue shade of dusk. Shining stars appeared in the night sky with the cold, silver moon in sight. She was about to turn in when a flash of light flickered at her laptop. “Good evening,” he I.M.ed her. It was obvious he wanted to know more about her. They chatted all night, mostly filled with jokes and laughter. She didn’t notice the time running by. It was half past midnight when their conversation ended. She was speechless as she thought of it while sleeping. Days went by and they grew closer to each other. He would always find time during his training just to see her. He treated her as if they were siblings, even more than that. They spent every single second together as the weeks went on – they basked under the heat of the sun, frolicked under the rain, watched the dawn break and witnessed the beauty of twilight. She was the luckiest girl in the world, she thought. He accidentally touched her hand while he was walking her home under the falling rain. A shock of electricity ran through their veins. Her heart was beating rapidly in a matter of seconds. She didn’t know what to feel. So did he. They were stuck in a moment, wondering where it would take them. The boy, then, knew what he had felt. “Could it be? Have I fallen for her?” were the words rummaging through his confused thoughts.

Weeks after school had begun, mid-terms were up. She wanted to do everything she could to get the highest grades. But how? She couldn’t concentrate and her studying was hindered with the thought of the boy playing with her emotions. She lost control of herself. Her grades dropped suddenly. It felt bad. She didn’t even want to talk about it. He saw her at the corner of the room with tears in her eyes. She felt too weak to be touched by the boy. He clutched her hand and stared into her sad, gloomy eyes. “Don’t worry. You’ll do better next time.” The burden she carried seemed to subtract bit by bit. After all, he was the reason for all the lack of studying.

That day ended bad for her, and he wanted to make her feel better. They conversed that night again, on and on and on and on, until she forgot she had even felt so sad. Their humor was immeasurable – it was like their friendship was meant to be all along. She was feeling so sleepy, she hadn’t noticed some of the things he said. He couldn’t wait anymore. He was so desperate. He fell so fast, it was as if his heart had sunk in his emotions. “I like you,” he told her in a pleasant way. Her eyes widened. “Me?” she thought to herself. She felt a rush of air trapped outside her body, like she couldn’t breathe at all. And then she flashed a wide smile.

It wasn’t easy being said that, a lot of thought ought to be put into mind before saying those words. Sometimes, things might change and everyone becomes blinded by it. But for her nothing seemed to matter. She felt so happy nobody could feel at that instance what she felt. It was so different and surreal. He was happy as well. At least he said what he wanted to say. It was getting better and better. The bond they have had tightened and their relationship evolved as time went on.

There are instances when you experience happiness continuously that you tend to forget the other side of it. Nothing is constant in this world, not even love. People change. Promises are broken. Friendships are destroyed if not maintained. Relationships are ruined if not fixed at once.
The unending downpour of snow meant it was winter time. Classes were off for two weeks. This meant they won’t be seeing each other quite long. He was going some place else for a little vacation. “See you in school. Take Care.” Were his words to her. In fact, his tone was doubtful it seemed as if he isn’t sure if they will ever met once more. Winter was nothing to her. She felt idle in a world of loneliness as she counted each day for him to come back. No one was like him – he treated her a way so special – more than a friend, like a sister, or like someone who changed his life. She waited day, night, day, night, until…

“Good morning, and welcome back.” She heard the teacher say as she rushed up the stairs. He hadn’t seen her yet. He thought he wasn’t going to anymore. His face was painted with guilt for he didn’t save a seat for her. She was surprised as she entered the room. Her seat was occupied by a beautiful girl, with wavy locks and tiny curls at the ends. She was tall, and looked like a model in her uniform. He looked at her displeasingly with a hint of guilt incorporated with a dose of anger. She wondered why, she kept asking to herself why. I thought he had fell for me? She queried over and over. Rumors were that he had replaced the girl he first had a thing for. She went over and greeted him. He smiled wryly, and introduced her to the beautiful girl. Her heart felt like it was being torn apart bit by bit, never possible to be patched up again. “I love her.” He told her over the phone. She resisted the tears that fell from her weary eyes. She endured every bit of pain being thrown to her like sharp knives as he narrated how they met over Christmas Break. He told her, “I had never felt anything like this before.” Now she was getting much weaker. She felt betrayed, by a brother, a lover, a friend, a chat mate, a seatmate. She was nothing without him. But what to do now?

January passed by swiftly after the tremendous breakdown she had experienced. She was going to turn 16 by the 14th of January. Her life had become a nightmare and her studying had been left behind. She was preoccupied with thoughts and always felt alone. The day before the 14th, one of the boy’s friends told her that there would be a surprise the following day. And there was. As she dropped her bag on the area beside her desk, a boy handed a rectangular object wrapped in a colorful pink, green and purple wrapper. He smiled widely and handed it to her with ease. She was shocked in disbelief. She unwrapped the present and found out it was a journal. The front cover was a painting of water lilies by Monet, and although at first it looked displeasing to the eyes, it captivated her at once. She opened the notebook and found it already full of text. She read and wept. He saw her vulnerability, and wanted to approach her, but how? She was the most pitiful person in the whole place.

One page contained these words:
“ I couldn’t tell you how much sadness and regret I have felt while I wasn’t with you over the short vacation. I have found someone and yet every minute I am with her, you are the only one I think of. My love for you may not be too deep, or too real, yet, but the way I feel for you is quite extraordinary. You keep me hanging on to all the mistakes I keep doing, to always believe in myself, and you are the only person I have ever trusted. I told you things nobody knew about me. I wish the best for you as you turn 14, and remember that I will be here for you. Even though we don’t talk much, I still care for you. Remember that.

P.S. Please give me another chance to show you that I love you. I’ve made a huge mistake but I will do anything to be forgiven. Will you give me another chance to be true and sincere to you? A second chance?”

As she read along these lines, she couldn’t believe it. After all, she was the one he wanted? Her hopes faded in an instant. She couldn’t take it, seeing him holding another girl. And even if he wanted to take her back, she couldn’t dare. She wanted a chance to evade. To leave this memory behind. Forever. Finally, he insisted on approaching her. “Hey, there…” were his frustrated words. She looked at him with embarrassment and pity. “Good…bye…” she uttered. They exchanged a tight hug as she felt the weakest of weak to get up from the floor and leave. But she wanted to. No one forced her but herself.

Once she got home, she packed her bags. As young as she was, she knew what to do. She would live in a different state. Meet new people. To have the notion as if this never ever happened. But that was entirely impossible. This stain that was scratched on her won’t ever fade away. It was the pain she chose to live. She didn’t want to give another try for she didn’t want to get hurt once more. Her heart is too torn apart by what he has done to her. Although she never knew, maybe if she had taken the chance, they might have had a happy ending.

As she lived her life in a new state, the past kept haunting her. It made her regret not accepting the boy’s sincere apology. She brought along her journal, and read it over and over. Ouch. The pain. It may be kept, buried, placed in the deepest hole in your whole body. It may be shut in a drawer, hidden at the farthest part of a cabinet, locked in a tiny box. But no matter how deep you bear it, the pain never leaves your side.

What’s worse, he never really knew how much she loved him. For she cared and loved him so much more than he loved her, she would risk everything and let him go for the sake of his happiness.

***

waterlilies journal w/ Monet painting; January 14; she loves music & art; he loved Science; only one ever trusted person; long IMs;l surprise the day before 14; vacation [in my experience it was no classes because of typhoon]

= ALL nonfiction. All my experience. And others. Are fictional :)

xoxo. ♥

critics! :)