this fast world...

Sad :(

(arrow pointing up)
The after-effect of ultimate sadness. Critics?

*sighs* I don't really know what's wrong with me. The big loss of art is causing me an outrage. I wasn't the person who'd be caught up doodling anymore. Right now my pressure is laid on a lot of things and sometimes I can't find the right ways to balance things - I'm full of panic, but I don't show it verbally. Actually I don't see myself as an artist anymore - my works aren't in good condition in such way that, I don't know, I feel so suck-ish. Ugh. I hate this inferiority I usually have. Somehow I don't think it could get out of me. Not only art, but it already affects everything - the life I live in. It just ruins me bit by bit but I tend to forget it. And yet ugh!!! I don't know what to do.

I really really realllllyyyyy feel that I am never good enough for things. It's nice to have confidence in myself - I have that, ONLY in art and things I'm good at. But most of the time I lose it. At once.

UGHHHHH.

I feel so weak. Vulnerable. EVERYTHING.

I'm never gonna be good enough for anything. I don't think so.

better hopefully

2 days away until the end of this Sem Break.

And as always, it has been very boring. Well, somewhat. Here's a plus though. I bought a journal :) I figured it's time for a little writing. I've cut my drawing sessions, and I can't let it get in my way, so I thought maybe writing would proxy it for sometime. Haven't been writing intimately too nowadays. Now that some unusual things have happened. Haha. And besides, I don't think I need to stop writing just because I stopped liking someone. That's too off-track. So I bought a cute one awhile ago - at the same time environment-friendly! Tis made from recycled paper + it's hardbound! yay me! Can't wait to write maybe later. :)

Hmm.

One thing that makes me feel sad right now is my lactose intolerance issue. :( Ugh. So sad I can't drink milk too much. Urgghhhh. I have no solution for that anyway.

*Not in the mood for writing anymore*

More nextime. :)

twilight feverrrrrr + addictionssss

I'm mesmerized.

I cannot wait!

I want to watch it NOW!!!!

Haha. Seems like today all my insanities and addictions over stuff have gone in full circle. Pano naman, Kristin sent me this photo of Robert Pattinson [ahhhh!!!!!! *screams*] wala lang. I find him handsome much. No one's better at playing Edward Cullen than him. Anyhow, I've also watched a part of the movie - the cafeteria scene. And I noticed the movie isn't the typical "chick flick" - which I hate - so it ought to be good.

View the 3rd trailer here [super nice] = http://www.youtube.com/user/officialtwilightfilm?ob=4

My addiction for Twilight is coming back. haha. And I was reading Midnight Sun yesterday. haha. Just to pass the time. Ugh. Tomorrow's gonna be SOD again - me hate! Tomorrow and Friday. Hopefully I will possibly get things done. Or else I'm 100% dead. Haha. I'm trying to balance Sem Break fun with ugh-ness homework.

***

Hmm. So today we went to Ace Water Spa :) And all we did there was talk. Seriously. It was like an open conference between the four of us. Like we just kept talking. That was fun. We talked about destiny & love. haha. Favorite topic eh, noh? No, seriously. Also dieting. HAHA. Which I don't think I could keep up with. And other random stuff. Who's who. Something like that. Then we had lunch and went to TriNoMa. Unfortunately the only thing we bought stuff from is National Book Store - haha my other addiction! JOE JONAS is on the cover of Candy! AAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Yeah. believe it or not Me, Nix & Joyce just bought it because of the cover. I actually dislike magazines. Haha. I don't know. I don't do away with the stuff I see in it. Haha.

Anyways, we bought NOTHING, but we did find super many nice clothes from People BUT! We fitted them all and nothing was perfect. NOTHING. UGH. Haha. Not our lucky day. At least we ate yummy snacks :)

So much for that. The best parts probably are spending it w/ F4L. At least take a freakin' break from life's fast pace. It's too fast I can't really keep up. I'm just holding on tight.

Ok. gtg. more internet surfinggggg:))

<3

TWILIGHT!

r=r=r

my thoughts you can't decode~

The usual thing I do when I stare at the PC for a long time is either : edit my blog and write random entries maybe twice a day or something [which I am doing at the moment :)] and what more than browsing new songs and downloading them at LimeWire. And! I just discovered today that www.imeem.com is so helpful in finding new bands that have the same sound as my fave bands like Faber Drive, All Time Low & FM Static!

So I've discovered Amber Pacific, The Summer Obsession and I personally like October Fall. Haha. I also like Blue October. [naks. puro october. haha. ?]

And I'm kind of liking Paramore's Decode which is the single of Paramore for the *can't wait!* Twilight movie. *AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!* Sorry. I squeal when I see the posters in the theaters or just thinking about it. *WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!** Nov. 22!!

Currently fave songs:
* Atrophy - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
-- super love this song! As in! Reliving my RJA addiction ;)
* Built To Last - Melee
--known this for so long, I just appreciated it now! :)
* Fall For You - Secondhand Serenade
--it may not be HQ in my iPod, but it gives me LSS!
* Stay Awake - All Time Low
--be it acoustic or alternative, I LOVE THIS SONG! Makes me feel hyper!
* Shameless - All Time Low
--same with this!
* Nice Piece of Art - FM Static
--i will never hate this song. and it makes me smile. literally :)
* Gone So Young - Amber Pacific
--just heard tonight. i think it's pretty nice:)
* The Resolution - Jack's Mannequin
--there's just something about this band that makes me like them. I mean, their songs are pretty weird. but i like it. i d k why lol x)
* Save Your Breath - Hit The Lights
-- they resemble New Found Glory. I like New Found Glory! x)
* Do You Remember - The Summer Obsession
--new song. love it!
* October Fall - Second Chances
--pretty awesome. :)

So much for musical insanities. I need to tuck in. Tomorrow's gimik day! Finally! I hope we'll have uber the top FUN!

xoxo.

P.S.
New layout.
New name.

Actually, twas pretty old already - chasingrainbowsxx was really my 1st choice. I just chose unseenrealities14 because it reminded me of a part of my past I never forgot. But now I moved on that *state of mind* and he is forever gone! Bwahahaha! x) So yeah. I'm off to chase rainbows - which actually means to reach for my goals in life and make myself the person I'm supposed to be. So there. I'm on to my journey! And whoever you are - all my friends are riding the rainbows doing the same thing - chasing their own dreams and destinies. :)

What a speech. Insanity has struck me. Or Inspired much?

-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

You never know what's right in front of you until you realize it has already gone away.

[aww. so sad. wala lang. but i'm not sad. just thought of that quote.]

TC everyone! Sweet dreams :) Literally.

PPS.

Title from paramore's Decode- :)

Day 2 of official school-free week.

What's worse, today is SOD - Study Only Day. Haha. I don't mind 'cause tomorrow is free day! Woohoo!

Anyways, as of now I am not busy, but I have a big feeling when school gets back there will be a lot of projects wanting to kill me again. Ugh. What's weird this week is, without school my mind isn't really bothered with problematic notions and stuff. I actually feel lifeless right now. Haha. And my mind is wandering from unknown places right now. Haha. Actually, it's kind of boring right now.

That's it. I'm really bored. BORED to the max!

chasing rainbows

Day 1 of official school-free week. Except, it's homework-filled. And haven't done anything YET. Maybe tomorrow I'll sum up studying Chem or something. I'm supposed to draw today! [for Filipino.] Anyhow, I did something at Photoshop using my Tablet [worship my tablet laptoppppp!] and I think maybe it will be my header - IF I'm willing enough to do my own layout.





P.S. Will change username to chasingxrainbows.blogspot.com so don't ask if you can't find my URL! Will change it maybe tomorrow. Just wait for it. haha.

nooo!!!

I have a feeling I'd be having a bad sem break. AGAIN.

Well, I never had a fun sem break. ever. in my life.

And we're all stocked up with homework! Ugh! And I have NO IDEA how to use Microsoft Publisher. So much for writing newsletters. I'm not interested at all.

Plus I am too lazy to go to the procession today! :

Great. Just. great.

reco+brothersun08

Reco + BrotherSun pix :) memorable 3rd yr experiences. lol.

false pretenses

Haven't updated like forever! I think I didn't go online for about 2 weeks or something. But it wasn't because I had no net. I just didn't want to. In fact, I was also cut out from television - which is really something I can't avoid. The TV got broken! Argh!! But anyways, I'm not using my new Tablet PC [woohoo!! tablet! yeah!] and it's superrrr awesome to the maxx! You can draw on it, watch DVDs, download ANYTHING at a fast rate [2.1GB Ram + 250GB] so life is fine with this awesome laptop. Now with Wi-Fi. :D

Anyhow, this year's Reco really opened my eyes to lots of realities in life. And it made me realize that I have people who are really there when I need them anytime. And the sharings are super fun! I got to know unusual people and people i don't talk to much. Actually I'm too touched - I got like, 7 strips of paper at the last activity, and from really unexpected people so I cried. Hah. Corny ko talaga. I guess nobody knows how ultimately weak I get. Not only that, but the best parts were the times I spent with Nix, and Da & Ra, also Nikki & Shanee in our roomhopping escapades. Nyahahaha :) But I think the best parts were the class sharings. I knew more about people and their outlooks on life. Very...deep.

Actually there was something very vague that I felt during the Reco - was I unexpectedly falling for someone?

Wow, everybody gets intrigued.

HAHA. As if true yun. Buti nga hindi. I think I was just testing myself. My control over thoughts and what my heart speaks.

But seriously. I just thought of it. It's now officially gone and it will be for good. :D

I won't even say a word about it ANYMORE.

Anyways, so much for the commotion, it was fun during Reco in the eating sessions. Haha. Wala. Sira muna yung diet ko for over 2-3 days because of that. The food was yummy and it made our stomachs happy:) Parang healthy pa nga yung mga sineserve nila eh. HAHAHA. Anyways, overall it was a blast.

Lalo na yung vanity session ng 3E. Sobra kaming vain kapag sinama-sama. As in. That was prolly the best part.

And of course I love our class shirt. Designed by yours truly. lol x) Sana nagustuhan naman nila yung outcome :)

* * * *

Anyway so much for Reco. The day after that was more fun sa Brother Sun, Sister Moon. Ang cuuuuuutttttteeeeeeeeeeeee ni Andrea!! :D kakatuwa siya. I used to hate kids but after taking care of her everything changed. haha. And ang small world talaga. Basta. Nakasulat pa nga yun sa card na binigay na sakin eh. Wahaha. Plus, after the activity, more vanity sessions with F4L. Haha. I miss them! Can't wait on Wednesdayyyy!! ACE na! Finally after months of planning. + TriNoMa weee!! xD

Wala. Hyper much?

Actually if you'd want to ask how my life is going right now the only thing I can say is:

CRAZY.

Will post more updates soon. :))

It's Sem Break! And we are loaded with HWs. Gosh. Sem Break pa ba yun?

xoxo.

stressed out

Tomorrow's Day 3 of über stress & fatigue. And my goodness it's Chinese test tomorrow. I haven't tested the vocabulary words. I am so sick of it! Right now I feel like I want to do absolutely nothing - be a couch potato or something. But with the fast pace of life and the world today [especially in my world, now that its PT Week - meaning, Judgment week] I doubt I could just hang around and do nothing. Maybe an hour a day. Only. That's the max.

I am super sleepy! And I am 100% [at the moment] lifeless. Overfatigue from doing the term paper last night - 4 hours staring at the PC and typing nonsensical statements about a play I am not interested in at all - what more damage could be done?

And time is so fast it's already October! Then it's going to be November, December, January...and it's all going to begin again.

This life cycle is really killing my nerves. I mean it.

listen to the thunder

I am [at the moment] happy. So I hope I won't be breaking my happy bubble for the rest of the week. - which will be impossible.

All my panic in MAPEH is over. And all the hardwork - the countless nights I practiced to make my playing perfect has paid off - I'm super super super out-of-this-world happy when she said, "Very good!" Aaaaaaahhhhhhh! [hyperness]

But going back to reality, I have so much stuff to ponder about. English Program. And the upcoming PTs. And Trigo! I have no idea what my score in the last quiz was. If I fail there, I'd bid farewell to honor roll. Aww. But I have no choice - I'm pretty much busy with schoolwork and other stuffs. And our Reco! So I was really pissed [as in over pa sa pissed] 'cause I don't want to miss the English Program! So my mom might talk to the Campus Ministry about it [heehee :)]. But IMO [in my opinion] I'm going to let it happen. As in whatever happens, I just have to accept the bittersweet truth. Tsk. Tsk.

Oh, yeah. I have this weird thought that I heard once in the radio [wow, radio - so oldfashioned! haha!] - do you MAKE things happen? or LET things happen?

Hmm...such a question to think about...

Well for me it's sort of LET things happen. So I always do my best in everything, work hard for it, and whatever is the outcome I tend to accept it as well. No doubt.

So if fate doesn't let me watch the English Program and asks me to hang out with my class and spend quality time with God, then so be it. I can't change the way things happen, right? [well yeah cause it's unchangeable]

:)

Life takes it turns. Let's just ride with it.

PS Optimistic mood. But I should actually be in BIG panic mode. Hahaha.

Things to do [as of now]:• Burn Pokemon CD - my brother's party [I don't know whether to be happy or not since it's PTs] is this Sat! [yes, and on Mon is CHEM! UGH.]• Buy stuff for the Eng Prog• Read Macbeth [my goodness. I'm still in Act III Scene ONE!!!]• Macbeth term paper [next wednesday]• Study hard for the PTs [wish me luck! It's judgment week!]

I cannot wait for the Sem Break! [Ace Water Spa! Woohooooo!!!!!]

xoxo.♥

listen to the thunder

victoria~

Panic mode: I am very, very busy - AGAIN!

Yesterday I got a text message from Ms. Arbonida that I'M the one in charge of the English Program [WAHHHH!!!!!!!!] and the designer of all the venues: Audi, AVR, Science Center!

I am never going to rest, am I?

And it's going to be inspired by the Victorian era. I don't think I hate that part. I just researched on some Victorian architecture and they were really nice. There were psychedelic works! Hahaha! But anyways, I'm really scared since I'm really a bad craftworker. I can only do it in paper.

And PTs are up! How can I do both?

And one more concern : EVERYBODY is going to see it. The WHOLE HS student body. Well, except 3E!!! UGH!!!! Tas our logo will be the backdrop! AND I'M NOT THERE TO WITNESS IT!!!!!!!!

:((

How could things get any worse?

I don't even have time to cope with life's fast pace! Sort of a good thing. I hate how my life is going through. I am always tired every day, like I go to school but my energy level is already negative. Hay. Thank goodness there's no school today - no point. I still have to do the design proposals by today. There's Comp PT, And Music PT! Panic panic! And Chem! And everything else!

Fun is over. Really over. Shop til you drop period is over [last Wednesday. SUPER spree.]

Aww :(