Roller coaster

Everything has just begun.

And yes, I'm completely getting freakish-ly insane with my life. I don't know what to take care of - the pressure I feel with my mom [hello noh! she's telling me to eat practically nothing just so I could lose weight because she thinks I'm overly fat], the conflict between friendships [hey, they should know their limits into squishing themselves in our clique], art [I suck at it! I really do! I don't even have the precious gift of time to do more artworks!] and lastly, studies [wow...80 in Hua Won...80+ in GEs and quizzes...]

So it's not just about "love" I'm frustrating about. In fact, I tend to disregard that at all. Those 4 dilemmas you've read are the ones that are bugging the hell out of me. Lalo na yung first. I accidentally shouted at my mom awhile ago because she was so over-the-top. Actually, I've already lost like, 2lbs or something over last week, by suffering myself with hunger during recess and eating less than what I need every single day. I know my limits, she doesn't need to tell me and compare me to her [because she is also on diet] and I don't need her consent. My cousin even tells me not to listen to her and instead think of your own concern. It's my choice anyways! And my friends are kinda helping me cope with that. Malamang, my mom keeps on embarassing me in front of my relatives, and friends, UGH.

Okay lets not elaborate on that "weight-loss" thing. It's kind of personal.

Now this fiend is trying to break our barkada up since Wednesday! I don't even wanna talk about this too. She could at least go to her real best friends and stop hanging out with us...during lunch...I miss F4L! To the point that I don't see Joyce everyday already, and I only talk to Nix & Tin..its missing a piece...I felt so glad when I saw 3 of them yesterday dismissal. It was like a rainbow was formed again. I just can't take all this. It's really killing me in and out.

It's fighting my feelings and at the same time battling with my emotions...either do this or that, this or that. UGH! Especially the studies part, I have no idea why I'm getting really low grades! What the hell! And also I don't like some of our new classmates. I thought they were okay but one of them was really rude to me, like she hates me. WTF? Sorry to say but othey have to prove to me that they are more than my classmates. I don't think I made any friends at all. I've known some of them before - thats a good thing.

*sigh* I think I need some resting. I had insomnia last night and slept for only 5 hours! Beat that! I'm so sleepy right now and I have to wrap up the Speech thing for Fil, and I'm gonna watch Camp Rock to relieve my stress off.

I HATE MY LIFE! It's so useless! What's the point of living when I don't even have the motivation to move forward and never look back when all of these things are already sucking my mind & heart up there's no more air to breathe? No chance to take?

♥ • ♥