the right roads

The past days have been...weird. I have tons to worry about and despite its uselessness I still manage to ponder over it :( Bad.

First of all, I can't believe my teacher knew about *insert name here*! I even asked him over and over and he was like, "Well diba last year you had a fight?" Uh, what? Did we fight? Let's just say there were some realities that I needed to know [which I did, lately, that pained me to hell] that stopped everything. Since we did the Mending Wall activity and since he thought my work was really, really nice [well it is for me cause I made it x) yabang noh?] he called me FIRST! Arghhhh. It was really embarassing because I did draw me, my cousin [*shh. she doesn't know] and ahem, the other guy. So yeah. Then I "explained"...blah blah blah...but then when I went back to my seat Mr. Rillo was like, "who's this [yung guy]? __________?" How the hell did he knew??

BTW dejavu at the moment.

Ack I didn't even know that he knew. It was really frustrating because the whole class heard. GAD. But, anyways, during Computer Class Daph was talking about it and it felt worse. Not that I blame Daph, haha ok lang sakin. I needed to know at one point what things are becoming and up to. I'm just not brave enough to face a part of me that I've been shutting down for so long, am I? It's just that I can ease away from it [according to Daph, phobia -partially true] but when I see it the effect is worsening to me. Besides, I'd rather not talk about it. It's just over-frustrating me. I've been living a better life now. So much better I guess.

Also during the class there were lots of girls [comp lab] so we all talked about prom dresses and stuff. Ahhhh! Daming magviviolet!!! x( And ofcourse the #1 color is blue hahaha. But I was so creeped out and scared someone might have the same gown as mine 'cause I just bought it :O Help me relieve my anxiety on this thing! It's too petty a problem but I kept thinking about this for 2 whole days now >___< I tell you, it's not a good feeling. hahaha. Grrr. I hope it will be gone and I am crossing my fingers no one would wear the same gown as me! xD *crosses fingerssss*

What else...I miss drawing! But the homework trauma is getting on my nerves. I had my whole aura drained awhile ago after having Hua Won test [but I did think it was easy, i studied days before] and surprise test in Trigo [shocking. really shocking. at least walang class. boring sobra!] and surprise GE in Chem [kailangan perfect! i failed one of the GEs :( ang bobo ko mali yung Molar mass. my goodness!] hay...so tiring! SO I need a break. But I hope I will get that break some time. I hope.

About the wall thing, it just makes me feel sad and I always [yes, always] wonder if I could've chosen a different path to take on. Rewind back to 1st year, hmm. What if I didn't go online....last....August 2006 some Thursday in that month? I could've not known anything about * and we would not have talked for 7 hours and I would still have a normal life and a balanced lifestyle but then, if I didn't then I wouldn't have fights with my friends and befriend new friends whom are still my best friends right now. What if... I didn't have to sit beside him in the first mass of 2nd yr and end up agonizing over the fact that the feelings I had for him is already killing me to hell death as each day swings by... I wish I could redo everything, but then again, things happen. One turn leads to another. Despite me happy with how things are now, in a way, regret is something that will never leave my vocabulary. Never.

Sometimes the right road just leads us to something better. And I do hope that is the case, for me, right now.