It's not perfection yet.

I don't know if it's nature, or just me, that has this tendency to be picky with notebooks. I mean, yeah, everybody does like picking the best quality & design for their notebooks. But how unlikely is it that I decide what to use for my Gazette does not depend on the design nor the quality. Something about the personality of the notebook itself queries me - and I don't know why.

I've torn pages from two or three notebooks that I once considered my every day journals and I don't exactly know where the pages are anymore xD Anyways, whatever those were may not seem so important to me. Haha.

So...yesterday we had our last Fieldtrip in Saint Jude. Aw. That's sad :( I guess I could say it was pretty fun, even if trekking made me sweat like crazy and made my pants drench in mud, and even if the canopy ride creeped me out at first. Haha :) We arrived home around 10, and my legs were aching like hell O_O It was fun going back home with all the darkness + Mr. Rillo's comments about us (I was touched. Ha!) + Mega LOLness with Nix at the bus (don't ask why. we're just plain insane xD) Overall, I had a lot of fun. AH! And another thing. I was at the CR cubicle with Nix and we heard some nasty stuff. Oooh gossip :x Nuff said.

Today is pretty boring, I started fulfilling my T2DO (I finally bought my own Post-It! it's Best Buy because I'm so thrifty ahaha) and now I'm blogging. And I removed my blog template because I hate it. So I'll be revamping this instead. Errr...lunch out, melted fro yo (weird), walked around the supermarket and looking at products, went home. Studied. That's what I did today.

And it's really weird today 'cause I have this feeling of me dreaming - like since awhile ago my head was flooded with my own desires in life - materialistically, perhaps. I do wonder sometimes if I get these things that I'd still feel like this.

Oh, I've read 50 pages of "By The River Piedra I Sat Down and Wept" by Paolo Coelho for our book report. I like Pilar, the main character. I see a part of myself in her. And the storyline is pretty good even if I love chick lit haha :>

Current stuff I so want to have as in right now but have to wait for Xmas (for some of them only, the others I have no idea when to get):

• A frikin bookshelf that can display all my books (which are currently at the lamp table here at the master's bedroom and it's all hidden)
• A new notebook for my 2nd edition of Gazette 'cause it's hard for me to find the 'perfect' one for it
• A polaroid and all the fun that comes with it
• A lamp beside my bed I have never used
• A couple buckets of paint for repainting my room and the door (which I vandalized)

Actually that's just it. :)

But this today is creeping me out - I'm not quite myself and I feel full of pride today, like I want to pay attention to my own thoughts only. I don't even feel like talking today as in verbally.

Maybe it's because I've had too much stress?

[Seriously, I've had too much stress.]

So...what to do now? Oh, will watch vlogs. I'll see if I can cheer myself up with that.

++++

Things I want to remove out of my system right now:

• My desire to go have a good life in another country, work a job I enjoy in, living a city life and working my way up to the ladder of success
• My hopes of getting into college as in right now (and ironically, my mindset is not in Ateneo already, but La Salle)
• My sense of inferiority that I feel everytime I see my test papers and results
• My laziness to update my journal and awaken my creativity
• My laziness to memorize Chinese
• My dead outlook on life the day after today.
  

I am really the weirdest person you'll ever meet. For years I'm trying to decipher my own personality, so don't wonder.

xo.

PS

Goodbye FILSCRAPRESSURE.

Let's hope my hard work pays off.