Not on my side.

Everyone's not on my side today.
Or I'm just having a mental complication at this very moment.
You decide.
xx

It's sad to feel very alone in one's own thoughts. Though I am fond of contemplating myself, nothing hurts more than thinking how things that have been far behind, and I've never thought they'd still come back and haunt me.

Over and over again I get the same kind of treatment from my conscientious mind - I emote, I get happy and so PR, I think, I become random, I turn into a nerd, I shut myself up, and make myself be rational again. That's probably how my mood works, excluding the fact that I hate being pressured when time is not at the essence. So unfortunately my brain cells right now are half-functioning, half-deteriorating. I feel very drained right now.

So today we had our NCAE. I had a good sleep every time I finished taking a test x) I probably was the fastest in the class. It was...so-so. I was just glad we were dismissed at 2 pm and I visited the library to look at Chimes. I love the old ones they're just so vintage. [@ the Learning Resource Center]

Any ways...then we went to Coffee Nook and I had some meal w/ F4L and it was fun I guess. Erm but I wasn't really in the mood today so that was kinda not good; a signal perhaps. Then when we went out I turned around to see - I HATE BEING OBSERVANT it sucks i swear! and some kind of awkward state of mind banged my head for that second.

Oh great it never went away from that time until now.

I opened a cabinet here in my mom's room which was chocfull of magazines, boxes (of random stuff) and books. I stumbled upon a box which contained my Grade 6 pictures (a.k.a. when i look skinny & malnourished & YOUNG) only to find two round shape pieces of paper that have dedix and duh, realized it was from our 1st yr project Genesis of My Life and I kept it in my Gazette. But it was kinda weird though 'cause those words written there from two people, seem so far from today. Anyhoo I went to the other room to open my Grade 6 & HS 2 boxes (I have 1st yr pics in an album, and an old Nike box lol) and saw another nostalgic item - an identical box to my bigger box, with a ribbon and some note inside which I thought I lost. Gah. The chills.

Why do some memories withstand the test of the longest time...ever?

It's hard telling this to my friends 'cause they've probably gotten sick of me saying his name over and over and over again like a 'sirang plaka' and retelling stories about those days when I felt so...i dont know but it sucks. Even I myself am sick of feeling this way, like some kind of depressant injected into my body and paralyzing my euphoric happiness. It's not that I'm saying my happiness level has reached its extremities, but really, I don't know, too, how I depict a happy face when I'm really so different at home. I usually grab a pen, get the laptop, type continuously, or study. Grrr I don't even know what else to type after this. I'm supposed to do Filipino, but look ma, more pressure. This life is not really cooperating with me.

And so I ask, WHY?

I will leave you guys hanging for this entry, for my words won't come out so easily today.
I haven't even wrote Gazette in ages!

xo.