Much thanks. Much better.

Really, I'm being sarcastic. It's late now, 2 minutes till 11pm as I type. I'm supposed to be wandering in my sleep and hopefully dream but, I choose to write some inner thoughts for awhile. I'm even setting aside Physics first. I have just understood a bit of our test tomorrow.

Sometimes I just can't take the load of life. It just...overwhelms me how time can fly so fast and I can't accomplish things in time. And the people, oh goodness. The people surrounding me are kinda irritating; I don't know whether to trust them or not.

Okay, it's not everyday I feel like this, really. Maybe it's because I'm moody at the moment but, I really feel awful.

Oh, right, I also have something to say. I feel so pissed or rather I wonder when the heck people will give me a chance. To what? I don't know, for me to be recognized? It's always something I'm subconscious about, but, really, I never get noticed. Oh, and if you fight back and say "Essay writing nung first year ka!" uh, no, not really. I wasn't even around when they said my name, for goodness' sake. And when they did, it was because my mom PERSUADED them to do so (I had nothing to do with this). Or what about the Film Fest Invites? The Logo? The English Program Backdrop? (which let me & Kristin set aside Geometry PT and work our butts off for 9 hours) The English Program Logo? The Teachers' Day Masquerade Invites? The Masks? The JS Prom Poem? The Class Shirts?

It's not like I want to be famous or anything, but it's either people change my decisions or tell me to "waive" my "poetic license" (remember?) or lament and criticize my 9-hour-working-butt-out-work with Kristin? Or they always ask me to do this and that, like I have all time devoted to doing art or something.

Well I'm not saying I'm declining things like that, but I've realized lately that it's not worth my time. For hell's sake, I haven't grabbed a Specialty Board and Fine Liner markers in MONTHS. I want to DRAW, Puhlease. But how? I get stuck with freakin' homework. It's giving me a hard time to balance especially now I'm in 4th year! Damn, it's really hard. I don't even feel like I'm giving my best; it's really hard, I hate myself for being me.

Really, I do. IDK what is wrong with me; this is what happens.

So thanks to all the people who have hurt me, almost killed me, criticized me, hardly recognized me, hated me for doing nothing wrong, eyed me suspiciously, made me feel unwelcome, talked about me, and etc. You have all made my life so complicatedly miserable.

Much thanks.

You guys must feel much better, right?

xo.
PS This is a hate entry. It's not for my close friends, it's for those...people. Oh, even my mom I guess. Or my relatives? I don't know you people, whoever you are, there, happy?